Wednesday, February 16, 2011

You may say I'm a dreamer...

A muscle in my shoulder is doing that annoying fatigue thing where it twitches sporadically, like your eye or your eyebrow will do when your body's lacking some nutrient. While this is occurring, I have snowflakes melting in my hair, occasionally sliding down the peak of my forehead and pestering me like a bug on a summer night. Tonight could not be any more opposite than a summer night, as the snow steadily falls, our cars steadily become encased in meteorological icing, and I down 2 vitamin Cs and an under-ripe orange, convinced that somehow I can beat this cold that has been trying to get me for the past three days...Vitamin C is the Superman of the supplement world while vitamin A is Batman.

I guess you could say I believe in fate...I believe my life has got a plan, and though I am free to make my own decisions and choices, those decisions and choices lead me to wherever I am supposed to go, and help me become whoever I'm supposed to be...but have you ever had it where you get to a fork in the road, and both forks lead to other roads with different forks, and you're simply stuck on whether to pick the right fork or left? I've been at this crossroads for...I donno...a long time, I'd say a month or two, and even though I'm trying so hard to read the signs, ask for guidance, be my best, make the most of stuff, spend time alone, spend time with everyone, wait, be pro-active, nothing is any more clear to me. It's frustrating the hell out of me.

I'm stubborn in my thoughts, I think I've mentioned before how I tend to view things as black and white, when in fact I know I need to be more comfortable with shades of gray...but for cryin' out loud, this is the biggest shade of gray I may have ever stumbled across...and I hate it with its big, colorless face, its taunting, feature-less body, and the most annoying trait of all; it's ability to just linger above me...no big rush, but not dilly-dallying...taunting me, keeping me company, annoying me to no end.

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